Not quite certain about lilies and 41 cent stamps....

I've reached this place in life where I disconnect from reality and have constant dissonance in my head. Moral absolutes escape me and while I desire to be passionate and excited about things like truth and justice, I am altogether apathetic in most respects. I guess the desire is something to be appreciated, but since it has no hands and feet, desire is nothing but dust in the wind. All sorts of hidden sins lie anything but dormant in the shadows of my life unabated and it sickens me. Any moment left to myself is wasted on fruitless joys. I wish I had the gall to throw my TV off the balcony. I'm sure Christ would have had something to say about the absolute horror of modern television usage around the country. It might've made the list of 6 things the Lord hates (along with lying hands and feet that are quick to rush into evil; cf. Proverbs 6ish).
I had an interesting conversation last week with an extremely intelligent man about covenant theology and its application to modern life. At the time I was a bit caught off guard by the whole abruptness of the ordeal. I rarely jump into conversations for which I am unprepared. It was a humbling experience. I was on the defensive for most of the dialogue (again, a rarity). Compounding the problem was the fact that his argument was supremely peculiar--I had never heard someone attack covenant the way he did. I didn't know how to correct the angle he was using. In the end, very little was accomplished and the man walked away feeling as though he had put me in my place. If anything, he showed me a new angle I will need to be prepared to defend, apparently.
My closest of friends, someone who has become the caretaker of a large portion of my heart, is half way around the world and I struggle to advance through the day without worrying about her. I have had no communication with her all week and it troubles me. Only Divine Providence stills my heart.