When...

I have recently become overrun with this notion that life will never be what I want it to be or what I expect. I look back over the last couple years. I can think of off the top of my head: a few people's lives I have severely messed up--whether intentionally or not is irrelevant--a few times that I have made a total fool of myself (with my arrogance, pride, foolishness, etc), said a few things I really should not have, gone a few places I shouldn't have, closed a few doors I should have walked through, thought so many things I should not have...you get the idea. When oh when will I finally get to stand before my Savior and just weep because the meager crown I offer Him could have been decked out in a few more jewels because I wasn't such an idiot today and yesterday? When will I live like I really want to glorify Him with every molecule of oxygen that enters my lung and gives me one more ounce of life on this ball of dirt? When will I tap into the essence of the Spirit that spurs me on to read the Divine Word of God with such a furious hunger that the words jump off the page into the core of who I am and I am never the same? When...