On the account of another

This morning I shed a significant tear. Though it was only one tear that escaped this eye of mine, the solitude of this outpouring should not correlate in your mind to the grief observed by my heart. Any spectator into my heart can quickly note the lack of tears that fall from my eyes on account of my own pain. However, never have I weeped on the account of another. Never has the plight of someone else caused me such pain that a single drop of rain will fall from my eye.

Selfish Beyond Measure

Selfishness does not stop at the corner of the pursuit of self-indulgence and open sin. If that were so one could hope to cross that street when the sign with the stick figure begins to glow with self-help books and being good natured; maybe a little extra rest and a little accountability. However, there's no ten-step process for overcoming the subtle selfishness that creeps like a little innocent, baby lizard into the prayers of the "most devout and faithful" of citizens in the kingdom of God. These proverbial molehills that seem so spiritual and godly--the prayers that "so-and-so would like me so we can be happy together and serve together and be a shining example of what a good relationship should look like to everyone else" and "if only my struggles with anger and pride and jealousy and covetousness would go away so that I could be above reproach and be open to counsel my friends"--are the very prayers that keep well intentioned Christians in the mire of modern "religion." The selfish desires creep in because we make good things our utmost desire. The thing that we crave. Our souls yearn for happiness, comfort, pleasure, more than the glory of God.
Now, at this point, the peanut gallery may be thinking one of two things (or both simultaneously, in which case you might want to either take a five minute break, or stop reading all together and forget this pointless blog every existed):
A. Harsh words. Who are you to judge? Someone seems to have a pride issue.
My response: Amen and amen. Yes I have a pride issue (yet, I also struggle with depression and low self-esteem; go figure). However, let me be open: these sins are my own which is why I write such things. I do not hide my sin in a closet. This journal is a place for me to be transparent--even if there is no one on the other side of the glass.
B.What do I do now? There is no resolution to these problems. You have opened a wound without providing the salve.
My response:Welcome to my world. However, I do know this: God's Word is the most precious of bandages for the wounds of this world and the self-inflicted wounds of the flesh. It is not precious enough to my feeble nature as it should be, for I am fallen beyond all hope, save One. "I have stored up your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." Psalm 119:11.

One last thought: In Matthew 6, Jesus teaches the disciples to pray. In His model prayer, Jesus says "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name..."
Make the glory of God the focus of your every prayer. Make His glory your every breath.

The Start of Something New

She waltzes back into my life after an eternity of three months. Three months of trying to forget yet somehow knowing the impossibility of this goal. She returns in a way utterly unexpected and joyfully welcome. There will obviously be a time of adjustment. What lies ahead is unclear. But it is fresh and new and joyful.